The Preacher's Wife

Caught getting along

There are many days I feel more like a referee more than anything else.  But the other day, I caught my kids getting along.  Elijah was "reading" a book to Graham.  Love it.

Free Wallpaper

Last week I posted this picture.  It was taken in our playroom.  I'm not sure if you noticed the background, but that's our wallpaper.

As with anyone who has kids, its really hard to know what to do with ALL the pictures they bring home from preschool, church, friend's houses etc.  Being the practical person that I am, I know that I cannot save everything.  I have also learned (albeit the hard way) that you have to strategically throw "artwork" away or I end up answering this, "Mommy, why is my picture in the trash?"

So to remedy some (I still secretly throw some away) of this problem, I just started taping up the boy's pictures around their playroom.  I know this would not be something you would see on HGTV, but I think its cute, AND I don't have to feel guilty for throwing even more away.

I also have frames for my favorite pieces, this, I know, is more HGTV approved.

In a few years, I may get in trouble for this post.  So Elijah and Graham, if you are reading this, first of all, congratulations on learning to read, and second of all, don't worry, I didn't throw any good stuff away.  Third, I love you.

Everybody loves a checklist

 
In our house, as I know in yours as well, we have the constant battle of cleaning up.  I am forever trying to come up with new ways and/or incentives to help my boys clean up without whining AND without my help.

Graham is a little young for cleaning up on his own, but he gets it more than he lets on.  Elijah, on the other hand, totally understands but has difficulty knowing what needs to be done in a room that has been completely trashed (this is a male thing, not just a kid thing).

So the other day I made a checklist for him.  Everybody loves a checklist, right?  There's some kind of thrill that comes when you check something off a list.  We all love accomplishment, even 4 year-olds.  

So we sat down and listed all the things that need to be put in the right place.  I drew pictures and wrote the words because he can't read (don't laugh at my drawings).  Then I sent him off with a blue crayon. 

About 30 minutes later, the room was 90% done.  No whining or constant calling for me. 

I'm not delusional in thinking this will work every time but it worked yesterday and I'm happy about that.

Michelle Duggar, the queen of raising responsible children, uses what she calls chore packs that she actually clips to her little ones.  What do you do to help your kids clean up?

The price for 15 minutes of quiet

Last week I sent the boys outside to play for a while.  It was really cold and windy that particular day (imagine that).  They played outside for about 15 minutes.

When I heard them open the door to come back in, I yelled for them to take their shoes off.  Graham didn't understand.  He tracked red-clay mud all the way across my living room.

15 minutes of quiet was traded for 20 minutes of furious scrubbing and sore arms.

Oh well.  The 15 minutes was really nice.

Graham's apple

The other day Elijah came to me asking for a banana to eat.  At the time, the bananas in our house were more ripe than Elijah prefers and I knew he would waste it, so I offered him an apple instead.  He decided to waste that too.  He took one bite and threw it in the trash (I know your kids would never do that, they love healthy food!)

Here's where the story gets better.  About that time Graham said he wanted an apple too.  Knowing that Graham is my picky eater, I did not want to waste another apple to the garbage, so I did it.  Yep, I took Elijah's apple out of the trash can and gave it to Graham, thinking he would only take a bite too.

Well, much to my surprise he ate, and he ate, and he ate it some more.  I failed to give Graham a lesson in apple eating (he has only ever had apple slices) and this is how much of it he ate...

I know this post is going to get me a nomination for mother of the year.  Kid still in pjs, eating food out of the trash and he doesn't even know that you don't eat the core of an apple.  Awesome.

The Joys of Boys

Its no secret that I am not a morning person.  Having babies really throws choice out the door so for the past 4 years, I have had to become slightly more of morning person by sheer force. 

However lately I have been getting spoiled as my babies are turning into boys.  The morning goes something like this... 6:45ish Elijah wakes up, gets in our bed and watches cartoons.  7:30ish, Graham starts calling so I send Elijah to get him.  They both join us in bed for cartoons/sleep.  Usually I drag myself out of bed and get the day started around 7:45-8.

Well today I had a rude awakening.  Literally.  I was quietly enjoying the bed all to myself (PF in ATL last night).  Our normal routine began around 6:45.  About an hour later, I awoke to Graham lunging towards me, trying to get away from  his brother.  He had a plastic dinosaur in his hand which made direct contact with my jaw. 

Good morning Mom.  Time to wake up.  Let me punch you in the jaw with a toy using all 30 lbs of my body weight.

Good morning children.  Time to get out of Mommy's bed.  The joys of boys.

A new system

Sometimes you just have to change it up, you know?  A few weeks ago, you saw Elijah describe our allowance-type system at our house (click here if you don't remember).  We started this system so that we could teach him about tithing. 

Recently he caught onto the concept of saving his money for a specific toy that he saw at a store.  He saw a toy at a store that cost $8.  He went home and together we counted his money.  He had $3.  For the next 5 days he was my star cleaner.  He was so motivated to get that toy.

I decided that $1 for cleaning up was too much for a 4 year old (although necessary to begin with).  I decided to create a chart that incorporated some of the other problem issues in our house, like having a good attitude or getting dressed with out help or whining (no whiners in your house, I'm sure).

So yesterday the teacher in me, aided by Microsoft Excel, created this nice little chart for Elijah.  At the end of the week, he gets a dime for every sticker he has.  And so far, there was a lot less cleaning on my part, coupled with a lot less whining and complaining on his part.

I know you can't see the picture very good but I created 10 opportunities for Elijah to earn a dime every day... Make bed, clean room, clean sun room, clean playroom, clear table, kind to others, good attitude, Bible verse (all he has to do is work on this, currently John 3:16, with his dad), hands to self, and get dressed.  Yesterday was his first day and as you can see, he did not score a perfect 10.  I even let him evaluate himself on hands to self, and he said he did not do that (Graham and I agree).

He won't always get a dime for making his bed, but we'll do that until it becomes habit then move on to something else.  I think change in systems is a good thing.  It gives everyone a new motivation. A few months ago, we were doing this.  Ask me in two months, and we may have abandoned this system altogether but for now this is what we're doing. 

How about you?  What are you doing, or have you been doing with your kids that works?

Surviving the holidays

Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here before we know it and I want to share a bit of advice.  Of course, I, in no way, consider myself a marriage expert but this is one area my husband and I do well in (not perfectly, but well)... expressing expectations.

Expressing expectations could prevent a huge blowout not just with your husband, but your children and extended family.  So taking the scenario of Thanksgiving, here are a few examples of how this works with all relationships...

Yourself.  Before you express your expectations to anyone, you must know what your expectations are.  Take time to think through a situation. Taking into consideration everyone's schedule...
    What day should you leave or invite guests?
    What time should you leave or invite guests to come?
    How long should you stay?
    What problems or obstacles could be avoided (traffic, naptimes, etc)?

You Husband.  What do you expect your husband to do over the Thanksgiving holiday?  Expressing your expectations before hand can possibly avoid the disaster of you being angry because he sat on the couch watching football all weekend at his parents house and you were inwardly angry with him the whole time.
    Do you want him to watch the kids so you can shop the day after Thanksgiving?
    Do you want him to help with baths and bedtime while away?

Your Extended Family.  Remember that they do not necessarily know the rules/schedule/routines of your family.  Be upfront.
    We are coming on Wednesday before dinner and leaving on Sunday after church.
    Our kids take naps at 2 so can we eat around noon or after 4?
    Would you be willing to put the kids to bed Friday night so we can catch a movie together?

Your Children.  So often we just whisk our kids away without really telling them where we are going, how long we will stay, and what they will be doing.
    Kids, we are going to Grandmas on Wednesday and Aunt Beth on Saturday.
    The same rules we have at our house apply at Grandma's
    Remember, Grandma has a piano and we don't bang on the piano.  We only play with our fingers.

Sometimes its good to remind yourself that its ok to break the rules a little while you're gone.  Is it really going to kill your kids to watch a ton of TV for one weekend?  Or to eat a ton of junk.  Make sure you choose your battles.  Express only the expectations that matter the most to you and will make your holiday fun and relaxing.

I will leave you with a few verses

Philippians 2:3-5a...Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit but with humility of mind, let each of you regard one another as more important than yourself.  Do not merely look out for you own interest but also for the interest of others.  Have this attitude in yourself which was also in Christ Jesus...

Blue Hook

Do you have one of those toys in your house that is constantly fought over?  We do.

His name is Blue Hook.  He takes no batteries.  He is just an action figure about the size of a Hot Wheel car.  He came with a big pirate ship but do not be deceived, his ship is not the most coveted toy in the house, he is.

I have had many days where Blue Hook was in time-out because he couldn't be shared.  There have been many tears shed over this tiny guy.  I have spent much time looking for him and many days on the look out for him.  I have even checked Craigslist to see if I could find another one, but you know if I did, no one would care about Blue Hook anymore.

A pure and simple case of supply and demand.  Any toys like that in your house?

You asked... don't push

I am entitling this post Don't Push.  I am answering these two specific questions that are seemingly inapplicable to someone who does not have young children, but stick with me, read the whole post, there's something here for everyone.

If Graham is off his paci .... how did you do it? And what age?
I'm just looking for some tips and support!!  Posted by: Joy Henderson

Hi Joy!  I am currently in the processes of transitioning Graham to leave his paci in his bed.  If you know Graham, you know that he has always had two security items, a blanket and a paci.  Up until very recently I let him take both items everywhere we went. 

The blanket soon became a hygene issue for me (I think the day he insisted on having it at the pool was the last straw for me), so we started with that first.  I started making Graham leave it in his bed.  This was difficult for him for about a day and a half (during which he had to sit in his crib if he wanted to hold it).

Once he got use to it, I asked him if he wanted to leave his paci, at first he said no and I didn't push it.  Eventually, he did it.  I would still keep the paci in my purse or his bag when we went out.  ESPECIALLY at church.  Church is the last place I would make Graham go without his paci because it is the place he feels the least secure.  I don't care if people think that he is too old for a paci.  Graham is afraid at church.  He never knows how long it will be before he sees me again, and there are strange people (to him at least) constantly talking to him.

The past two weeks he has not used the paci at all except for sleep times.  I am so proud of him.  I didn't push it and he has done great.  I have heard that a paci will not effect your child's teeth until age 5.  For now, that is my goal to completely take it away (although I have hopes it will be sooner).

This is a lesson I have learned the hard way, which brings me to the next question...

How did potty training go for you? Any tips for someone in the trenches of pt? Any fun hints that worked for you?  Posted by: Resa

My tip?  Don't push it.  I "potty trained" Elijah for about 8 months.  I tried every.thing.  When Elijah was ready, he got it.  He was 3 1/2 and almost gave me a heart attack.  He has since had about 5 accidents total and sleeps in underwear.

Nothing about it was fun because I pushed it.  I have no real tips because nothing I did worked.  I probably prolonged it in the end because I made it such and issue.

How does this apply to everybody else?

We all have someone/thing in our life that we try to control or push...
    Husband? 
    Child? 
    Friend we desperately want to come to Christ?
    Prayer we desperately want answered?
    Buy a house or car?
    Move?
    Job change?

Sometimes, you just need to stop.  Stop nagging, stop fussing, stop asking, stop whining.  Just stop.  Leave the pesrosn/issue with the Lord.  Sometimes being pushy just prolongs the process.  Act only when all signs point to readiness and quit worrying about what others think about you.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.  Psalm 37:7a

See I told you pacies and potties apply to everyone.