Reality Discipline

Dr. Kevin Leman is one of my favorite parenting experts.  I love to hear him when he comes on Focus on the Family.  His parenting advice is excellent and funny too.

One of his teachings is called Reality Discipline (he talks about it in his book, Making children mind without losing yours.)  Reality discipline is based on letting your child suffer the natural consequences of their negative behaviors.  For instance, your child doesn't do their homework, you let them go to school without it.  Or, your child does not want to eat the dinner you cooked, you let them go to bed hungry.

Now, while I know Reality Discipline is not the answer to all of my parenting challenges, it is a great tool to have in my arsenal.  To be quite honest, I have been patiently waiting to use it ever since I heard Dr. Leman talk about it.  And last week, the opportunity arose.

It was about 5pm on Tuesday and our playroom was moderately messy.  I pulled the boys in and told them we were going to do a quick clean up (it was seriously a 20 minute job if we all worked together).  30 minutes later, I was the only one who had cleaned up a thing.  My boys were playing with toys, fighting, laying on the floor and doing everything but cleaning up.  I fussed, I threatened, I may or may not have raised my voice.  I was more than mad.  But for some reason, I decided to get creative.  First, I sent them to time out where they had to silently sit and watch me clean up.  I took the liberty to trash and/or give away any items I wanted. 

Then, while I was cleaning, I got an idea.  I decided that the playroom would be closed for a few days since they had chosen not to clean it.  I made sure that their DS' were in there too.  I hung this sign on the door to remind them not to go in there.

The next day, Graham told our babysitter the story.  He said, "...and she didn't spank us, it was worse.  She closed the playroom."  When I heard this, I was so happy.  But today, I was proud, because the boys cleaned up with out very much headache remembering (hopefully) what their mother was capable of doing.

Comments

[Stacie Wood]

LOVE THIS!!!!!

[Jenn Becker]

Can I just say thank you for being so real? :) You are always such an encouragement to me as a church planter and mama. It can be so tricky sometimes to keep things in the right perspective and order and I love reading and hearing (from leading & loving it's Just One) your Passion paired with simple tips. So...thanks.:)

[Ashley Vogel]

Haaaaa...that is awesome!

[Bev W.]

You have to find what works for you kids! Your son admitted that this was much worse then a spanking. I know that for myself, that if I get to the point that I need to spank, then I'm out of control. And that doesn't teach a child anything. The spanking just made me feel better. But that is just me.

[Amy Argo]

Nice job, Mom! :)

[Beth]

I love creative parenting. I think it tends to be more memorable. When my brothers and I were younger (in elementary school - and now we are in our 30's and 40's), we had a tendency to leave our bedroom lights on ALL the time. My parents go sick of it! One Sunday morning, all three of us were sitting in the living room waiting to leave for church...my dad came in furious b/c we had all left our lights on. SO, he made us get up from the couch/chair and walk to our room to turn the light out, then come back sit down, get up, go to our room and turn the light back on, go back sit down, get up, go to our room and turn the light off...we did this I believe 10-20 times. I still remember it today!!! I remember what I did wrong and the consequence of it. And, I'm much better at turning the lights off to this day! :)

[Erica]

This is SUCH a good idea! I'm definitely going to need to try this...and get my hands on that book :)

[Heather G]

Oh Dr. Leman, what a resource! I am currently reading "How to have a New Teenager by Friday!". Not because I want a new one, but I want to know how to better parent my teen.....and the practical ideas he gives you for disciplining, reaching out, knowing when to not butt in, the works. Great post, and believe me, the better you train them up at 6 and 4, the better they will be when they are 14 and 12! :)