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March 28, 2012

Nag the right One

The book of Proverbs talks a lot about nagging.

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19
A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  Proverbs 27:15-16

I am not sure why we women in particular struggle with this issue.  I think most of the time, we have good intentions.  We just want everything to be just right, including our husbands.  Whether we are reminding them to do something they promised they would do or making comments about things they are (or are not) doing that we think they should change.  Or even silently nagging with our looks or our actions or reactions to certain situations, our nagging can do great harm to our marriages.

I will have been married 10 years this summer.  And one thing that I am learning (of course I do not always get this right) is that there is someone I can nag, it's just not my husband.  It's the Lord.  In Luke 18, Jesus tells the story of the persistent widow.  She went to the judge every day, pleading for justice.  and her persistence paid off.  Jesus said, "Don't you think God will give justice to those who cry out day and night?"

Persistence with God pays off.  Persistence with your husband, could drive him further away.  Am I saying that if I want my husband to remember to pick up the groceries I am going to pray about it rather than send him a text, no.  But when we don't see eye to eye, when I think there is an issue that needs to be addressed (again), or I think there is a change that needs to be made, I can leave it with the Lord.  I can trust that God can change his heart, or maybe change mine.

Let me give you a hypothetical situation.  Let's say you feel like your husband's health is in jeopardy and he needs to lose weight.  You have brought the issue up and your husband does not agree.  Rather than continuing to argue about it, make looks every time he eats a snack, and comment about it to all your girlfriends.  You could begin to pray about it and ask God on work on his heart.

Please don't hear me saying that I don't speak my mind in our marriage.  I promise, I do plenty of that (my husband would gladly attest to that).  I think it is so often the small things (those pesky little foxes) that do so much damage to a marriage.

Proverbs 31:2-3 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.


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I'll never forget the sermon when PF said something like, "Guys, fighting with my wife is the worst, because I know she'll sick God on me!" That concept has stuck with me all this time, and it WORKS!
I speak my mind plenty, but when there is an issue (big or small) and it looks like I'm getting nowhere with him, I go to Him and have watched Him change my husbands mind and heart.....funny thing is, I sometimes watch it change mine too. :) Great post, have a great day!

Hi Holly! I am in Nicole's (original) egroup and we are doing the same study so love that your blog backs up our weekly reading. On another note, thought you would get a chuckle to know that my son Ryan and Elijah are in e-kids together, and each week he asks me if I have talked to Pastor yet about getting his phone number. I asked Ryan recently what he needed your number for. He said, "well, I want to ask him if I can have a playdate with Elijah but I also wanted to talk to Pastor Steven about a few things...." Uummm...can only imagine what my five year old would ask your poor husband if he ever got him cornered!!! :)

Thank you for this... I read your blog everyday and watch your husbands sermons online... truly have changed my life.

Thank you,
From Iowa

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