Don't blame it on the ministry

I love Halloween (shh... don't tell anyone, I know Christians aren't supposed to).  I love to dress my kids up in adorable costumes and let them go beg for candy.  Yesterday Elijah and I went back and looked at our past Halloween pictures (the first 4 pictures above are Elijah over the past 4 years, the next two are Graham, the last two are the two boys together.)

Many of you have asked me questions about how we balance kids and ministry and also how my parents did (since I am a pastor's kid).  I don't know if I have much wisdom on the topic but I decided to create a category so as the thoughts and memories come to me I can blog about it.

So here is my first thought about raising kids in the ministry:
If you have a conviction about something, when you explain it to your kids, don't blame it on the ministry. 
I know that a lot of pastor's families don't trick or treat because it's their family's conviction.  That's great!  More power to 'em. 
But I've also seen many pastor's families sit it out to appease church people who might disapprove of the pastor letting his kids celebrate such a holiday. 
The danger is that these kids may grow up to resent the church-because of all the things that they aren't allowed to do-because of the approval of other church people.   I know our kids are still babies, but my goal as a mom is never to blame things on the church, but to explain things as our family convictions.  And trust me, there will be plenty of things they're not allowed to do.  I just want to make sure they know that we're in the business of pleasing God, not satisfying the standards of the rest of the world.  Do you trick-or-treat (be nice, or I won't post your comment :))?

Ok, there are my thoughts for today.  Enjoy a few more shots from last night.  Elijah, the pirate, ended up getting sick and falling asleep before we even got back.  He didn't even eat one piece of candy and went straight to bed with a fever!  Graham, the Kangaroo, enjoyed his ride in wagon, of course, accompanied by his blankie and passi. I don't think I got one shot of him without his passi!

Comments

[Flo]

I think you are amazing Holly at how you balance your family convictions with the ministry. I am believer that a holiday is a matter of perspective and you make of it what you want it to be. Many celebrate Christmas by giving out presents, etc, but don't really share the same idea that I do that Christmas is about more than presents...it's about the gift that God gave to the world in Jesus.

Looks like you had a great Halloween.

[Mollie]

We do trick or treat. We also know and LOVE Jesus!:) We however DO NOT celebrate halloween! We also have the rule about costumes....nothing evil or scary. Your boys are so cute! I agree with you on the convictions thing. We cant make other people's convictions our own. That is what people in cults do! LONG LIVE TRICK OR TREAT:)

[patty]

I haven't read the post or the comments specifically, but I can say I struggle with Halloween overall. I was raised not celebrating Halloween. It was a combination of cultural and church reasons. My mom always told me that I was different and that just because everyone else celebrated it - it didn't mean I should. As an adult, I wonder what sets us apart from non-christians? I don't see the purpose of celebrating Halloween. What is being celebrating? Why not show our kids we are different, not in a bad way, not "blaming" the church or ministry but because we simply are. That's all I'm saying. :-)

[Holly Furtick]

Heather, this is the first time I have every replied to a comment, I am kinda proud of myself for figuring it out... Yes, Old Navy, 5$. This year they never went 75% off. But next year Graham will want to pick his own costume!

[Heather]

Holly--- Jeremiah had the same kangaroo costume this year for Halloween... did you get yours last season for $5 at old navy? :) I love that costume... it's so cute! ~Heather

[Jenni]

Great post! We try very hard not to get sucked into the "church crowd pleasing" mode. I agree we can't let our kids get a negative view of Jesus and His church just to keep others happy.
We do Halloween. Before I had kids I always thought that I wouldn't but Emma was 8 weeks old her first Halloween and I couldn't resist the little pig costume I found for her. We have done it every year - the only rule we have is no scary, or evil costumes. That has never been a big deal with them. I think Halloween is what you make it.

[Doug]

We do not celebrate Halloween. I do have a three year old boy, but I want him to know that God does not want us to celebrate darkness or evil. I mean originally Halloween was created for evilness. I did not decide this from a peer pressure emphasis. I decide not to give support to the Devil's Hay Day. I do not blame things on ministry. But I do tell my boy that God does not want us to celebrate bad things. We did work with our church, doing a fall festival. We know that people and their children were going to be out through the night and we wanted to provide a safe environment for them with fun games and candy. It was a great way to reach out to people while they were out and about. We got to minister to people we would have never met otherwise. We battle the Devil on his night by having clean fun and telling others about Christ. My wife and son had more fun doing that than I believe they would have otherwise.

[Veronica]

Thanks for the NEW "raising kids in ministry" !!!!!!!!!

[Autumn]

I enjoy reading your blog. I attended Catalyst and heard your husband speak. I have been keeping up with your church's sermons on itunes ever since!
I am the children's ministry leader at my church. When we were trying to decide what to do about Halloween we decided a big fall festival wouldn't work because we could never compete with the surrounding larger churches and what they had planned. Instead we opted to use the night to invite people to our church by renting a moonwalk and giving away candy in the neighborhood next to the school where we meet. It was a huge success. We had several kids and even teenagers come by, get candy, and jump on the moonwalk! And of course we were able to invite them to our student services while they were there.
I didn't get any slack from the pastor because he thinks it's nice seeing dad's who otherwise aren't around all that much going door to door with their kids.
I understand that some people don't like letting their family celebrate Halloween but think about the opportunity we're missing to talk to people about Jesus, I mean for once they're coming and knocking on our doors :)

[Layvon]

My grandson came to our house as a pirate also, and they just go to grandparents house and a few friends, he has just turned 2 so he is very aware of the "monsters".
When I was reading your blog, tears welled up because in our younger days we did do things because "that was what we believed" and so that was how it was----whether you liked it or not---I guess we did blame things on the church and ministry. If I could do it over again, I would do just as you said you do, follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and let him be the guide. My older kids missed out on alot----We went through a period of time that we followed alot of rules of activity and dress because somehow we thought that would draw us closer to God--- and that was how we were raised--We were trying to "hold the standard" of the church.
My oldest daughter who is now 28 ---still teases me and said that sounds like something you would have said during your "big hair" and "tight bun" years. She thinks I wore my hair in a bun so tight that if I get Alzheimer's that will be the reason.
I am still learning more and more to lean on my Lord...Finding more power than I've ever dreamed--just learning to lean on Jesus.
I wished I had had learned many years ago!
God Bless You!
Layvon (Granny)

[Cheyenne Schultz]

Goodness they are cute! I can't imagine not dressing up my kids when we have them - Geoff and I already have too much fun dressing up the dog....it's going to be scary once we have children! :)

P.S. Pastor rocked it out today - I really think he did a great job preaching!

[Terri]

Thanks for this post! We haven't trick or treated the past 2 years, but decided to let my daughter go this year. I home school, so I really don't want her to feel left out. I can't say exactly what it is, but it just didn't feel right to me. I never wanted us to be "those Christians" who turn off their lights and act like they're not home, so when we hand out candy, we bag it and include a scription that I get from my daughter's children's bible. That way I still feel like I'm doing God's work. Halloween can be the best time to spread the gospel. I mean everyone is coming to your door!:) I only wish I had some Elevation invites for our bags to invite all of our extended neighbors to Elevation!

[Amy]

We stopped trick-or-treating a few years ago. I loved it as a kid, and I let my oldest do it for a few years, but I don't know if there is more scary stuff now, or if I'm just more aware of it. Even if my kids dress up as good things, the entire neighborhood is full of evil decorations, creepy costumes, and people trying to scare everyone. It just really bothers me. We do pass out candy, and we throw in some Jesus stuff (stickers, candy with scriptures on it, bookmarks, etc.). The kids have a great time, and they sometimes wear fun costumes. I still struggle with the whole concept of Halloween, though.

[Becky Taylor]

we dress-up and trick or treat, but i did have some convictions this year. my daughter, Bella, has entered the blessed 2 year old stage and has started getting scared of things. up until this point she hasn't been afraid of anything, but loosing sight of me :) i felt checked about her seeing others dressed up in scary costumes, so we went to grandparents houses and then went to a fall festival. i totally agree with "not blaming the ministry", i really want my daughter to have a good outlook on church and christianity from us. thanks for your post and i look forward to hearing more from you on this subject. oh and your kids are adorable!!

[Misty]

i love that you will in the future be talking/sharing more about ministry & kids. i am a pk, as well, but still find it hard & need all the advice i can get. jeannie mayo's son, josh has a book on this topic that is REALLY good.

[Jen A.]

As both my boys (hubby and son) were born in October, they both have taken to fall activities including Halloween. Robert is definitely too young to understand the event, but he has had a blast watching Daddy decorate, play with pumpkin goo and dress up as a pirate. I believe the 4th word my son said was "argh!", so Robert enjoyed running around being a pirate. He actually wore the same outfit Elijah had - woo hoo Old Navy sale! I wish I could attach a pic on here since you just saw my little guy during the Dedication. We didn't go trick-or-treating because he's still a bit young, but the boys enjoyed passing out candy to the kids. I definitely don't see any harm in letting kids dress up as one of their favorite characters anytime of the year. It's easy finding ways to incorporate Christian ideas into activities such as the "Pumpkin Prayer" while carving a pumpkin. Being creative is part of the fun. :)

[Jessica]

I agree 100% with your thought about not blaming the ministry. My husband used to work at Fellowship Church in TX, and I heard their pastor's oldest daughter publicly thank her parents for always following that concept.

Now that we have kids, I'm trying to follow the same concept. When they're complaining about going to church early in the morning, I talk about having more time to worship God, not "we have to for Daddy's job."

Sometimes it's a check for me, too. Why do I really do the things I do? Thanks for the post!

[Lori]

Great post Holly. We talk all the time about the great things of being in ministry. But we also need to just a aware not to let any negative talk or blaming on the ministry to be going on either.

By the way .. we love Halloween! And had a wonderful time last night! Your kids look great!

[jacqueline]

No, we don't celebrate Halloween but I don't judge those who do. If the holiday could be as innocent as children getting dressed up and getting candy, I would have no problem participating. BUT the evil scarey things are right along with it. My 5 year old who has his own convictions and a voice that goes with it says, "We don't celebrate darkness because God has called us out of darkness into his glorious light." I love the "don't blame it on the ministry" concept. As we are going to Thailand to be missionaries, I don't want my children to be resentful to the people we get to minister to for all that they have had to give up. If I can find a way to always present our situation as "we get to" and do it cheerfully myself, hopefully, I too will avoid the stereotypical missionary children.

[amanda]

we trick or treat! My kids 11, 9, and 3 love it! I don't decorate with scary stuff - only pumpkins and scarecrows - but we carry it with a spirit of fun and giggles. I believe that any holiday can be turned into ugliness... Christmas can turn in the "gimme gimmee" holiday too... so We enjoy it as a family. I believe it is a decision for the parents to agree on... Good post!

[wendi]

We don't trick or treat yet because Jacob is still a little too young, but we will. I think it's such a fun and innocent thing to do with children. We did it with our parents when we were young and I can't wait to do it with our kids. I personally don't feel that it's something to be looked down on, just a fun thing for families to do together.
Galatians 1:10