The 6th Love Language... Death
This past weekend we had Christine Caine at our church. I got to spend some time behind the scenes with Christine and I must say that she is one of the wisest, most humble women of God I have had the privilege of being around.
On Sunday night, Christine took some time with our lead staff. She spoke many challenging words to our staff, and nestled somewhere, about half way through, she said something that really resonated with me...
She said, "There really aren't 5 love languages, just one, death. Dying to yourself."
I am not sure if you are familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages. It's a great book that has helped a lot of couples. The premise is that there are five main ways that we receive love: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Often the way you show others love is the way you receive love. For instance, if you love to do things for the people you love, that is often how you feel loved, when others do things for you. The basis of the book is to learn to show your spouse love by how they receive it, not necessarily how you want to give it. And I wholeheartedly agree with and like this teaching.
However, what many of our marriages lack is selflessness. You will not have a successful marriage until you can learn to die to yourself and put your mate first.
When you put your mate's needs above your own, you die to yourself.
When you do something for your spouse truly expecting nothing in return, you die to yourself.
When you decide not to argue about something insignificant, you die to yourself.
When you forgive your mate, as you would want him to forgive you, you die to yourself.
Jesus said in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Look at what Paul said in Philippians 2:3-9
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
My hope today is that you will practice the love language of dying to yourself.