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January 20, 2011

The 6th Love Language... Death

This past weekend we had Christine Caine at our church.  I got to spend some time behind the scenes with Christine and I must say that she is one of the wisest, most humble women of God I have had the privilege of being around.

On Sunday night, Christine took some time with our lead staff.  She spoke many challenging words to our staff, and nestled somewhere, about half way through, she said something that really resonated with me...

She said, "There really aren't 5 love languages, just one, death.  Dying to yourself."

I am not sure if you are familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages.  It's a great book that has helped a lot of couples.  The premise is that there are five main ways that we receive love: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.  Often the way you show others love is the way you receive love.  For instance, if you love to do things for the people you love, that is often how you feel loved, when others do things for you.  The basis of the book is to learn to show your spouse love by how they receive it, not necessarily how you want to give it.  And I wholeheartedly agree with and like this teaching.

However, what many of our marriages lack is selflessness.  You will not have a successful marriage until you can learn to die to yourself and put your mate first. 
    When you put your mate's needs above your own, you die to yourself. 
    When you do something for your spouse truly expecting nothing in return, you die to yourself. 
    When you decide not to argue about something insignificant, you die to yourself.
    When you forgive your mate, as you would want him to forgive you, you die to yourself.

Jesus said in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Look at what Paul said in Philippians 2:3-9

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
   being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
   he humbled himself
   by becoming obedient to death—
   even death on a cross!

My hope today is that you will practice the love language of dying to yourself.

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Comments

Holly,
Thank you... for being you. I enjoy reading your Blog. You seem to be a Proverbs 31 Lady! Pastor is right when he says you are beautiful. The real beauty of any woman is not her hair, make-up, or clothes, but the Love of God shining from her eyes and the loving smile on her face. I , like Pastor am blessed to have both, a pretty Lady, and the most beautiful woman I have ever come to know. Please continue to take care of Pastor, Yourself, and your Family. My Wife and I pray for you and your Family every day. May God continue to bless your Family as you have been a blessing to ours!

In Christ,
Don Homes

Thank you so much for sharing!

My good friend Lisa and I have discussed this topic many times in recent months. I sent her a link to this post right away. It's great to see it crystallized so well and put in context of Gary Chapman's popular book. Thank you!

Wow, so good! Came over here from Lysa's blog. Very glad I did. I will be back. :) Thanks for this message today. I really, really needed the reminder!

wow - amen to this post! How challenging - die to self = perfect way to show love! Love it! Thanks soo much, I'm going to share that with our Couples Life Group as we just finished reading the book, 5 Love Lang., I'll make sure to give Christine credit! God bless.

This is so true and yet in today's world of (me,me,me) You know the what's in it for me mentality this is so foreign. I have sadly seen marriages end in divorce because of selfishness. I am thankful to my lord for giving me the love language of dying to self. It just makes not only marriage much sweeter and easier but, friendships also.

What a great point. This is my second marriage and means so much to me. The way I see things and how I deal with them is so different and I believe its because my relationship with Christ is so different now. I no longer keep score or think would he do that for me. I love being a servant and I never thought I would say this but I love being submissive and knowing he deserves my faith and love. Thanks for a reminder.

I love this. Our Pastor calls it putting down big "I" and picking up little "i." As a young wife, I am learning day-by-day just how important this is!

I love the 5 love languages so much... I reread it several times a year. I think it can be an aid in what Christine is saying. Dying to yourself is a crazy concept that seems so unreal in our society... and unfortunately, even in our churches. It's a simple principle but our entire world would change if it was applied! Thanks for sharing.

Amen! Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage screams this message--inarguably that is the heart of marriage!

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